Family Suicide Pact

hearts and hands

Recently I was so low, and I had been for quite some time. Our family had been through many challenges. They seemed to hit us one after the next, knocking us down and totally removing the wind from our sails. Our daughter was an addict, and as a parent, everything you know about being positive and looking on the bright side flies out the window when you are unable to take away your child’s pain or make things different or better for them. The helplessness eats you up inside and completely destroys you. Our other daughter was battling to find her direction. She went through an awful break-up where her fiancé ghosted her, and just when she thought life was getting better, found herself in an intimidating and difficult position at work. This stress left her feeling completely out of sorts and suffering from a few PTSD type issues to work through.

During this time we moved countries, had three family members pass, and traumatically lost a cute Yorkie and beloved cat to coyotes that literally hid at the bottom of our yard in wait for our pets to potty. We had three businesses that we put almost everything we had into, fail. We sold jewelry, properties and other assets to cover the loss and found jobs in order to pay the rent. For the first time in more than 20 years I was an employee and not the employer, rising at the crack of dawn to a screeching alarm clock, rushing to get to work on time and being told what to do and how to do it.

On weekends I wouldn’t get out of bed. I told myself I needed the respite and that soon I’d be back to my old self, but that didn’t happen. I’m not much of a talker or sharer, I keep my feelings to myself. I felt disconnected from joy. I was numb. I felt like this world was an absolutely awful place and couldn’t understand why everyone wants to live on it. I was totally overwhelmed and probably clinically depressed and could not dig my way out of the dark.

My husband, Steve, felt the same way, as did both my daughters – life was just too hard! A constant up-hill battle that was more than we wanted to handle. When my eldest daughter reached out, sharing that she didn’t want to be alive, and knowing my youngest has also felt this way, the first thought that came to mind was for us to create a suicide pact. My daughter asked for a family meeting and we realized that we had to do something differently and make a change.

Steve took control of the meeting and shared a few pearls of wisdom that reminded me of what I know but stopped practicing and the best way to learn something, or in this case re-learn it, is to help someone else learn it too. I found myself motivated to help my daughters overcome their problems by imparting the things I know. It was at this meeting that Steve asked me to read through The Law of Creation and give my critique. Something just clicked!

Within 2 days I was vibrating so much higher than I had been and felt joy. I wanted to share The Law of Creation with everyone. I wanted everyone to have the tools to make themselves feel like I was feeling and still am. I felt like my old self again. I’ve always been a positive person, where nothing keeps me down for long, so it was extra difficult for me being as low as I had been for so long. I read the book in a day or two, rewrote some sections, made suggestions, and had so much fun. I had a purpose again that I was passionate about. I felt grateful again. So grateful that my daughter had spoken out and called a family meeting. So grateful that Steve reconnected to his power and reminded me of what I know, so grateful for the lessons my youngest daughter has helped me learn, so grateful for the job I have, so grateful for the people who press my buttons – showing me what issues I still need to address in myself, just so grateful! It filled every cell in my body and I think this feeling felt so powerful because it was in such contrast to how I had been feeling for the past few years.

I questioned whether I was fooling myself, whether I was pretending to be this happy to try trick my brain into believing I was happy but then realized – it is that easy. It is that simple. Find something that makes you feel better, and keep doing that – keep finding a thought or an experience that keeps lifting your spirit! How you feel is a direct indication of where you’re vibrating. Choose to vibrate higher and then let go and trust that is what you will do while you focus on everything you are grateful for.

A few things have happened since my shift. If you know me, you know that I hated meeting strangers. Crazy, I know. Now, strangers are catching my eye and smiling at me for no reason. And the craziest thing of all, I am now so uplifted and excited when meeting someone I don’t know. I want to get to know them, I want to relate to them. The feeling of joy and peace is all consuming and I want to share it.

Are you thinking right now “Nice story but complete fantasy, life doesn’t work that way!”? I understand, because, what you believe you perceive, and I am so grateful I have been given the tools to change what I believe. By changing my perspective, I have completely changed my life and you can too. Steve stated in his book The Holistic Guide to Hypnotherapy “Your thoughts, and your words, and your actions plant seeds in your cells and in the base level of your consciousness. As a man thinketh, so he becomes. What you sow in your subconscious mind is what you will reap in body, mind and experience.” Do you want to change what you perceive? This is how – the book Ask and it is Given, Learning to Manifest Your Desires by Esther and Jerry Hicks uses an Emotional Guidance System to indicate, using your emotions, where on the emotional spiral you are and thereby determine strategies to initiate an upward movement. I have included an image of this spiral under the Motivation page.

Simply put, fear, depression, grief and victimhood are at the bottom of the downward spiral and joy, knowledge, empowerment, freedom, love and appreciation are at the top of the upward spiral. So if you find you’re feeling insecure or guilty or not worthy, know that it is within your power to change this. Anger is also on the downward spiral, but higher than guilt, so if you got angry – angry at the injustice of your situation, angry that it is happening to you, angry that … anything you can get angry about, you will have raised the vibration level of your emotions. If you keep repeating the process to climb to the next level or the next level after that, you will work your way to hopefulness, optimism, enthusiasm and love. It is that easy and it is that simple and of course if you believe it to be this way, guess what? You will be right!

All you have to do is find memories, experiences and/or thoughts of things that made you feel happy, or loved, or enthusiastic. Think of these things and you will begin to move yourself up the emotional guidance scale. 

This is what I did. I reconnected to gratitude. Really connected to the things I am grateful for. I FELT the gratitude and it affected my whole body. There is thinking about what you are grateful for and then there is knowing what you are grateful for. The difference is emotion. Think with enthused emotion and you begin to make a change.

I hope more than anything that you can find the emotion to raise yourself up, and if I can help you in any way achieve this, I will be filling my purpose! 

Thank you for reading my blog and for giving me the opportunity to help you. Here’s to you creating a permanent state of positivity!

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